Whiskey Rye Cookie

Whiskey & Rye Cookie

I bought a cookie this weekend. After this, some of you will know who. This is NOT a knock on them. The cookie was fine. So don’t take this as me knocking them. That’s not the point of this rant.

It was labeled “Whiskey & Rye” and looked like a chocolate chip cookie with flaked salt on it. Ok. I figured I knew what I was getting. A chocolate chip cookie with some whiskey and rye flour. Sounds good. I can see flaked salt on it, a little bougie, but it’s Sperryville so half expected. Still, expectations set. Chocolate. Whiskey. Rye. Salt. Sounds good. I like classics presented with some grown-up twists.

First bite.

“Huh. Orange zest.” It’s ok. It’s a choice. I understand people like it. I think people who like chocolate and orange see it as something everyone should like and think nothing of dropping it on people. I’m not a huge fan. I really just want the fucking chocolate. Nothing in the verbiage hinted at orange. Would’ve probably opted for something else had I known. So now it’s a whiskey. rye. orange. chocolate chip cookie. with salt.

Three bites in. “Hmmm… Why is my mouth burning?” Looks at cookie and sees red, like someone spilled Crystal hot sauce on the cookie. Again. Nothing in the verbiage “Whiskey & Rye” indicated it has… checks website Aleppo Peppers. No problem with spicy. I go through a bottle of Crystal or Texas Pete Siracha every month. No problem with spice and chocolate. But now it’s a spicy. whiskey. rye. orange. chocolate chip cookie. with salt. Not what I wanted, not what I thought I was buying.

The cookie was alright. It was properly baked. Flavors were balanced. I’d recommend it if you like chocolate and orange and spice. So no need to think this is some slam on the baker or hating on their business.

No, the Actual Rant is: Name Shit Appropriately. Either give it a name that hints at the predominant flavors IN the item—“Spicy Whiskey & Rye w/ a Twist of Orange.” But really, who gives a fuck about the rye. Rye is the “secret ingredient” that adds texture and bite without offending anyone.

—OR—

Create names that make the customer go “Hey, what’s the ‘Thornton River Drunkard’ cookie?” Then you can engage with them and give them a schpeel about what’s in it.

Whatever you do, do NOT present an item that looks like a standard take on a beloved classic but secret is something else.